I Don't Feel Like Drinking!
by Tash Salvatore
Summary: The Cullen's in the great era of, you guessed! The 70's! What will one night out with Denali Clan mean? A whole of freakin' fun!


_**1975**_

"Edward! Please!" Alice begged. She was on her hands and knees, begging me to wear the hideous outfit.

"What part of "no force on this earth will make me put that God awful thing on" don't you understand!" I said.

"But we're going to a club! And Emmet and Jazz are wearing an outfit like the one I picked for you!" Alice revealed the pout, which had no effect on me.

"I'll go to club, just not in that…_thing_!" I told her and walked to my room. I went at vampire speed so that she didn't catch up with me. When I got to my room I slammed the door shut. "I'll wear a suit or something like that!"

"But Tanya will be there! You don't want to disappoint her!" Alice, as a final attempt to get me to wear _it_. Her comment instantly put me off going. I didn't want to see Tanya because, I think, she's still in love with me, which is a big no, no. "Edward, I know you're not going to wear the outfit." Alice sighed. "But you're coming to the club, like, now."

"I it your duty to torment me?" I asked her because I hate dancing with a passion. I could dance, but I don't like showing people I could dance.

"No, I'm here to make sure you have fun!" Alice said cheerily and skipped away, humming a tune so I wouldn't hear what she was thinking. Bloody pixie.

I hate the 70's. I hope the next decade won't be as colourful and "peace out, dude!", because if it is, I will set my house on fire and sit in it!

I looked at the outfit I was wearing, a plain with t-shirt and faded out jeans, and decided not to bother with wearing a suit. I opened my bedroom door, which led straight out the stairs, and walked down stairs. Alice, Emmet and Jasper were all waiting for me. They were all wearing bright colours, peace signs, headbands and tie-dyes.

"You guys look…," I was trying to find the right word to describe how they looked. "Like idiots of the highest order!" I said, bursting into a fit of laughter.

I don't know how the next thing happened but I was on the floor getting punched in the stomach by Emmet while he said "We don't look stupid!", which made me laugh even more. I couldn't stop laughing because Emmet's outfit was the worst. He was a big guy in a gay outfit.

The doorbell rang and Emmet stopped punching my torso, but I didn't stop laughing. I think Alice got the door, and I think it was the Denali clan at the door. I think the Denali clan came in and gasped – I think someone gasped – because I was rolling on the floor, laughing like an idiot.

"Edward? You ok?" Tanya asked, and all I could say was "_haha _I'm- _hahaha _fine _hahahahahhaahaha!_".

"Shut up! We don't look bad! We look cooler than you!" Emmet shouted.

"_hahahahahaha_ no- _hahahhahahahha_ you- _hahhahahahaha_ don't! _hahhahahahaha!" _I laughed. It's surprising how uncontrollable laughter is.

I then heard a video camera get turned on and Alice saying "I want to prove this _actually _happened!". It took me about five minutes to pull myself together. When I was finally off the floor I looked at what Tanya, Carmen, Irina, Kate and Eleazar. They were dressed just like Alice, Emmet and Jasper, but I managed to keep myself from laughing. It wouldn't be right if I laughed at what they were wearing.

"Ready to go?" Kate said, looking at everyone.

There was a chorus of yes's so we all left the house. We started walking towards the roller disco that Alice dared call a club. It wasn't that far away from out house so the torture could begin sooner.

The roller disco was packed, and I wondered how something so stupid could be so popular. Everyone, except me, grabbed a pair of skates and went dancing. It was funny watching them dance because they were incredible bad in their own special ways. Emmet, could barley stand up so Eleazar was pulling him along, tripping up as he did so. Jasper and Irina were using each other as things to hold onto because otherwise they would have been a bowling ball surrounded by pins. Tanya was wobbling all over the place knocking into Kate, who was looking like a penguin waddling through custard, and almost making both of them fall over. I couldn't see Alice and that worried me because Alice was very dangerous if you couldn't see her. I looked around, but I still couldn't see her. I could tell she was up to something.

"One vodka shot for you, sir," a waitress said, placing a drink on the table I had sat at when I came in. I looked at her slightly bewildered. I hadn't ordered anything. "It's from the ladies over there," she said and pointed to a bunch of giggling girls a few tables away from me.

"Thank you," I said to the waitress and she rolled her eyes and left. For some reason, she seemed too intelligent to work here. I got the feeling that she had so much untapped potential.

I looked at the vodka shot on the table, not sure if vampires could get drunk. I picked up the drink cautiously and drank it. The vodka tasted bitter, but I liked it. I asked the waitress to bring me another shot, and she did even though she wondered if I was old enough to drink. I had about ten shots before I got drunk, and that was when things started to get a bit…weird.

The giggling girls who gave me my first vodka, came over to my table and started flirting with me, and I kind of flirted with them. It was crazy!

"Wanna' dance?" the girl named Lisa asked.

"Of course," I told her and got up, discovering that I could walk after about twenty vodka shots. Lisa and I walked onto the roller rink without skates because drunk people/vampires + skates = even more disaster than a drunk vampire.

The song _Dancing Queen _had just come on, and the vodka encouraged me to show that I could dance.

_You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life_

_See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Dancing Queen_

I twirled Lisa around, and she looked shocked at the fact I was dancing with proper dance moves.

_ Friday night and the lights are low_

_Looking out for the place to go_

_Where they play the right music, getting in the swing_

_You come in to look for a king_

_Anybody could be that guy_

_Night is young and the music's high_

_With a bit of rock music, everything is fine_

_You're in the mood for a dance_

_And when you get the chance... _

The thing that happened next is the thing that I regret most about my life. I started to sing along.

"_You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen_

_Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine_

_You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life_

_See that girl, watch that scene, digging the Dancing Queen_!" I sang along with Lisa, who was clearly drunk as well.

We were about to go onto the next verse when I got flung over someone's shoulder. I'm sure it was Emmet's because the guy lifting me up was very strong.

"What are you doing?" I asked drunkly. Emmet walked out of the the roller disco, followed by Jasper. He set me down on the pavement and looked at me.

"I'm taking your drunkenness as a golden opportunity to have some fun!" Emmet said happily.

"Ok," I replied with an idiotic smile on my face. "What do we do first?"

"First of all, we have to ditch the girls," Jasper said.

"Second, we head on over to the empire state building," Emmet said, smiling wickedly.

"What are we gonna' do there?" I asked, ready to agree to anything.

"You'll see," Emmet said in the kind of evil villain way.

"Ok," I said a bit too much like Alice. "Lets go."

Walking the streets of New York at night was fun. Like, really fun. I don't know if it was the alcohol that was making it fun, but it was fun.

"So, Edward, just to make sure you _are _drunk, what if I told you that I took a wizz off of the Empire State building?" Emmet asked sounding too serious.

"That's…cool! Can I do that?" I asked like an eager five year old.

Emmet put his arm over my shoulder in a brotherly way. "Edward, you can do anything when you're drunk," Emmet told me, and Jasper burst out laughing.

"So are we going to the Empire State building?" Jasper asked, chuckling away to himself. "I didn't get a chance too pee of it last time since you peed on a cops head!"

"No way, dude! That's awesome!" I told Emmet, who looked proud at the fact that I was congratulating him when he had commit a felon.

"I like drunk Edward! No! Wait! I _love _drunk Edward!" Emmet shouted and jasper and I burst out laughing.

We headed to the Empire State building using vampire speed, drunk style. It took longer but it was exciting. I fell over a few times. Emmet carried me for a while.

When we finally got to the Empire State building we had to climb up the side to get to the top. Once we were at the top, Emmet, Jasper and I started playing tig. Jasper was It first, then he tug Emmet, Emmet tug me, I tug Emmet back, Emmet tug Jasper and Emmet pushed Jasper off the Empire State building. I laughed. Jasper was pissed.

"Ok Edward, it's time about time you took a _wizz _on the wild side," Emmet told me, patting my pack.

"I thought I was taking a wizz off the Empire State building?" I asked stupidly.

"Yes, you are. But "taking a wizz on the wild side" is a thingy ma bob for peeing off the top of the Empire State building, ok?" Emmet asked in a patronizing was.

"Ok," I said, cheerfully nodding my head.

I'm very ashamed to say that I didn't wimp out. I peed of the Empire State building. I'm afraid to say that Jasper also peed off of the Empire state building. And so did Emmet, again.

Once we jumped off of the Empire State building, Emmet and Jasper took me into another bar and gave me ten more vodka shots. I drank them all down in five minutes.

"Where are we heading next?" Jasper asked Emmet.

"Well, since we have and even drunker Edward, I think we should head back to the roller disco and crash the girls party," Emmet said, looking mischievously at me. "Edward, why don't you have _one _more drink," Emmet said, sliding another shot of vodka in my direction.

"Ok," I said and drank it all up.

I would like to tell you what happens next but I honestly can't remember because I kind of blacked out. Well, I don't think I blacked out. I just think I was too drunk to remember. All I can say is that the next thing I remember is opening my eyes to my living in a mess, Emmet and Jasper hugging each other crying like vampire babies who can't actually cry, Kate and Eleazar having a drinking contest, Irina looking at her reflection in a picture saying "pretty picture" over and over, and Tanya who was snuggled in next to me.

Three questions were running through my head:

were Emmet and Jasper gay?

How did Tanya end up snuggling next to me?

Where the freakin' hell is Alice?

I turned my head to try and scan the room fully but a skull splitting pain started in my head. My head was too painful to move. The pain was slightly familiar.

And then it hit me.

I had a hang over!

I remembered having a hangover from when I was human, but I didn't remember it being this bad.

I moved Tanya away from me slightly, trying to move my head as little as possible. I tried to remember what happened after that last drink, but I could recall nothing. I had a feeling not remembering that information would come back to bite me in the ass.

_**2010**_

I walked into Carlise and Esme's living room, hoping I would find Bella there. Bella was in their living room, laughing along with Emmet, Jasper, Rosalie, Alice, Carlise, Esme and Renesme.

"What you guys laughing at?" I asked timidly.

They all looked at me and started laughing louder. Alice and Jasper were rolling on the floor laughing; Rosalie and Emmet were almost falling off the couch with laugher, Bella was using Esme to keep her from falling on the ground laughing, Carlise was chuckling but not really laughing and Renesme was crying with laughter.

"Ok, seriously, what are you laughing at?" I asked and Alice stopped laughing enough to come over to me. She stood in front of me with a big smile on her face.

"Remember the night you got drunk in the 70's?" Alice asked.

"I remember some of it, why?" I asked, raising my eyebrow suspiciously.

"I kind of, sort of filmed everything you did," Alice said, bursting out laughing once again.

That bloody pixie.


End file.
